Floor 13 - Manual
CIRCULATION: PRIORITY 1-00
Welcome to Floor 13, Director General. This folder should serve to
introduce you to the operational departments that your departing
predecessor established before his untimely demise.
Naturally, this is the only copy of this file in existence. All the word
processor disks used in its creation have been reformatted and incinerated.
Each report was personally written and keyed in by the head of the
relevant section, and the separate documents were printed out once only
and brought by hand by the department head to me.
As you might expect, this document has the highest possible security
clearance. Please follow procedure 24 for its destruction.
You know who I am DG - I am the person who handed you this document
when I appointed you. And you are aware of what it is that I appointed you
to achieve. There is no need to go into details here, but may I summarise?
From time to time I will set you targets - please ensure that our
popularity exceeds their popularity, particularly on the target dates.
Naturally, neither you nor your department exists.
Additional funds will be made available to you from time to time,
but my financial bankers only pay on results.
Finally, may I just re-iterate that democracy is the finest form of social
organisation. Scandals, bad publicity, blunders and double-dealing will
adversely affect the opinion of our 'customers'. Make sure that our
'customers' remain happy to retain our 'services'.
Do not attempt to initiate contact with me. If I need to converse with you,
an appointment will be made in the usual manner.
The Financial Resources At Your Disposal.
Sadly, your predecessor overspent his budgets by a considerable factor.
You will appreciate that funding is not easy to obtain in these days of
economic uncertainty - particularly if our backers cannot see tangible,
positive results as a direct result of their financial backing.
Nevertheless, I have arranged for certain sums to be made available to you,
and have already taken the appropriate steps to ensure that they have been
placed so that the operational departments under your command may have
access to them.
As a result of certain budgetary irregularities discovered in the wake of
your predecessor's sudden departure from the organisation, it will no
longer be possible to arrange for pro-tem funding of operations in
between budgetary reviews. Our backers have made it a precondition of
their donations that a regular review of performance be carried out.
I am convinced, however, that our backers can be persuaded to allocate
additional funding if they can be shown that positive results are emanating
from the 'corporation' under your control.
The Need For A Transparent Profile.
Do not expect any support from outside your 'corporation'. While your
backers do have access to a wide range of resources, they will not be in a
position to assist in any way whatsoever.
Your operations must be totally covert. While you may have need to
interface with individual members of our 'customer' base on a direct,
person to person level, please bear in mind that our customers are not
aware of the existence of your corporation. Exercise extreme caution. Do
not leave any trace of your activities - as a group, our customers are
sensitive to the service we provide and the success of our product would be
damaged irretrievably should they become aware of your corporation's
existence. We cannot afford to allow our competitors the competitive
advantage that they would gain should you, or your corporation, be proved
To assist in the maintenance of a transparent profile, your corporate
headquarters have been made totally self-sufficient. With the crash of a
well-known merchant bank and the general malaise in the City, it has been
possible to recruit a large team of brokers, commodity traders and financial
This team has been running a successful merchant banking and futures
trading operation on the first twelve floors of your corporate headquarters
building. Successful only in terms of the salaries earned by these people
and the apparent profits made by their operations in the international
money market. None of these employees, whose financial ineptitude is
covered by our backers, are aware that they are anything other than
hi-flyers in the city. They are not aware of your corporation's existence.
So far as they are aware, Floor 13 of the building in which they operate is
devoted to a massive 'entertainment suite', used by the international
directorate of the merchant bank to entertain millionaire and billionaire
clients. They will expect strange people to arrive and depart at unusual
hours, and will not seek to enquire about comings and goings - but please
ensure that this deception can be maintained.
As we discussed, you will live 'on-site' in the self-contained luxury
apartment set aside for the Director General of the corporation. When you
leave your personal office at the end of the day, please remain in your
apartment until the next day. You will find all the necessary facilities at
The Corporate Computer System.
For security reasons, none of your operatives will ever meet you. Nor will
you ever see any of them. And while an open, inter-departmental computer
network might be desirable in the commercial world, security dictates that
each departmental computer should be stand-alone from the central
corporation computer that you have direct access to from your office.
Therefore, there will be occasions when you need to leave your office to
visit the operational departments under your contrd. Please signify your
intention on the menu pad of your office computer - or on the menu pad
outside your office - so that the outer offices of the operational
department you intend to visit can be cleared before you arrive.
When you arrive in a department, you will be able to access its computer
with complete freedom - and you will be able to issue certain
department-specific orders from the terminal.
The configuration of the computer systems in the corporation is such that
you should only need to leave your offlce occasionally.
Our Human Resources department is mindful of the social isolation that
your post as Director General of the corporation entails. An experimental
system has been instituted which seeks to emulate the social contact of a
human personal assistant. When you arrive at your office in the morning,
and when you sit down at your desk, you will be addressed in reassuring
female tones. Please bear in mind that this system is in an early,
experimental state. The interface and message-delivery system is still
crude, but the messages it conveys are accurate.
It seems possible that the social isolation of the job may have
contributed to the sudden mental illness of your predecessor. Our Human
Resources department has also advised that a system of performance
evaluation should be made available to the Director General, so that he
or she may view the progress made towards the overall corporate target.
You will find a SEE POLLS option on the options menu available on the
computer accessed within your office. Selecting this option will present a
crude, but accurate analysis of the opinion that customers have of the
services that we are providing. It is updated daily. Ensure that customers
favour the services that we provide, rather than the services provided by
our competitors. While short-term lack of confidence amongst our
customers can be tolerated, it is imperative that they prefer our
services on the target dates that you will be set periodically. On
these dates, our backers will also review their financial commitment
- and you!
YOUR FIRST DAY IN OFFICE
Before you first enter your offIce, you must loG on to the meta-level of the
corporate computer system. Keypad controls have been kept as simple as
possible (at the insistence of the ergonomists attached to our Human
Summary of 16 page Operators introduction manual Written by
Human resources chief ergonomist`s department.
A simplistic menu-interface has been created, Cursor keys on the
keypad in front of you are used to move between options, and
pressing the RETURN key or spacebar once an option has been
highlighted, selects that option. If your keyboard is equipped with
HOME and END keys, then they can be used to leap to
the top and bottom of the currently-displayed menu.
Depending on the model of the terminal, and whether it has been
fitted with a sound-generating card, you may find that the
experimental 'social interaction interface ' has been extended to
supply reassuring sound effects at appropriate moments.
DG, there is no need to insult your intelligence by appending a full
copy of the Induction Manual. Our backers have every confidence in
your abilities to operate an intuitive computer interface.
It is worth mentioning, however, that the interface is dynamic. Before you
assume control of the corporation, the system will have been stripped to
the barest minimum. New options will appear on the main menu on the
screen in your office as other departments upload information to the
corporate computer system.
THE INFORMATION BUREAU
The operational departments under your direct control are not the only
units that can upload data to the corporate computer system. As you might
expect, our backers do not support your corporation exclusively - they are
involved in a number of other national organisations, bodies and groups
and have established links with other, international 'corporations'.
A central Information Bureau (which is transparent to your corporate
activities) collates data from a wide range of sources, filtering out the
unimportant and irrelevant. It uploads useful information to your corporate
computer system on a daily basis.
Naturally, the Information Bureau maintaing an accurate press cuttings
service, but it has established links with a number of specialist agencies
and through devioug means, may even have aeeess to sensitive information
that the current Government and Civil Serviee regard as highly
Overnightt, new information will be uploaded to the corporate computer
system in the form of individual reports which can be viewed using the
READ REPORTS menu item from the terminal on your desk.
The corporate computer system has an automatic archiving function -
which also downloads certain records, including orders that you issue, to
the quasi-independent computer systems maintained in each of your
operational departments. From time tO time, the artificial
intelligence in the system will conduct a security purge on archived
files - but you will be informed before these take place.
The Filing System
Once you have read a report, the corporate computer system will file its
contents overnight according to a simplistic, logical file structure system.
Some material will be allocated to the archives, depending on its currency
and value under present operational priorities. Other material will be
allocated under one of the following three heading`s:
Once the automatic filing system hag allocated files to one of these
headings, you will find the heading appears on the options menu of the
terminal on your desk.
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF INFORMATION. WATCH OUT FOR SIGNS OF
IMPENDING PROBLEMS THAT MAY CAUSE CUSTOMER CONFIEDENCE IN OUR SERVICES
T WANE. ANTICIPATE.
The Filing Hierarchy.
New information first appears on the corporate computer system as a
report. You may be able to take action, by issuing orders, while you have
the report open in front of you - a menu will appear that includes the
GIVE ORDERS option if this is the case.
Collated information is filed under three categories - you can review the
files held in each category by selecting the appropriate menu option from
the terminal on the desk in your office. You may be able to take action, by
issuing orders, while you have a file open in front of you - a menu will
appear that includes the GIVE ORDERS option if this is the case.
Files eventually pass into the Archive. You may be able to take action, by
issuing orders, while you have a file open in front of you - a menu will
appear that includes the GIVE ORDERS option if this is the case. Files will
eventually be deleted from the archive.
Before giving an order to one of your operational
departments from your desk, you will be able to see,
in broad terms, what departmental resources you have
available. Bearin mind, that you can review the
way in which you have allocated the resources within
an individual department by visiting it and accessing
the departmental computer system.
The majority of problems are caused by people - and it is primarily
people that you must monitor, influence and 'affect'. The majority of
people that will be presented to you as suspects will be affiliated to
at least one group. Nearly all people are but pawns in someone else's
power game - make sure that you keep a close eye on the pawns in
the chess game that you play in the Corporation.
An individuals personal file contains his or her name and address,
together with details of any group that the person has been
identified as belonging to. Some indication of the individual's
prominence and stance may also appear on file.
A location file can contain details of a suspect's private home, or a
public place. Remember that you can issue pretty much the same
orders about any place you have on file.
All organised attempts to modify the opinions of customers for our
services are perpetrated by groups of people who have united ideals
and a level of dedication to the furtherance of the group goal.
A group file contains the name of the group, the approximate
number of active members - the groups core membership, the power
of the group and its general stance relative to the services provided
You will encounter four types of group:
Generally secret societies that have been active for many years,
they tend to use fear, deviousness or secrecy to exert power.
Very little is known about their aims - other than they generally
seek world domination. Power groups often fight amongst
themselves, are at least as strong as the corporation which you
head up, and have infiltrated all areas of the Establishment. They
have mastered the art of influencing the opinion of our
These are the most dangerous groups, in terms of the effect they
attempt to have on your backers' interests. They are a direct
threat - using overt violence, and instilling fear into the
customers for our services.
Possessing strange political or religous views, these groups
may use the techniques of terrorist groups to further their aims,
but usually cause outrage amongt the customers for our
services by the way they behave. Some are open and harmless,
others have a degee of sympathy amongt a sigificant portion
of our customer base.
All these groups are open to general membership, but some are
very large indeed. They can wield a great deal of sympathy
amongst our customer base, and can achieve a high level of
strength as a result. Some of these groups may be used by other
types of groups to further their aims.
Subjects are able to transfer objects between one another, and you
can arrange to sieze objects. Objects may only become apparernt
after you have issued appropriate orders to one of your operational
THE DEPARTMENTS UNDER YOUR DIRECT CONTROL
Eight operational departments are under your control. The following pages
contain the summary reports on the capabilities of each department, as
described by each departmental head.
When you first take office, you will be presented with a summary sheet
that shows the resources that our backers have diverted to each of your
operatinal departments - this will be updated after each budgetary review,
which will take place on the target dates that will be set for you.
Your departments are as follows:
Each department will accept signed orders from you, providing it has the
internal resources to carry out your order. Orders can be issued from your
desk, or_from the respective departmental computer.
Remember. you can countermand a previously issued order to free
up departmental resources for a new order to be carried out.
THE HIERARCHICAL COMMAND STRUCTURE OF THE COMPUTER
SYSTEN THAT CATERS FOR THE CORPORATIONS NEEDS.
Top Level- From the Menu Available outside you office door.
The keypad outside the door to the Director General's office allows you to
enter your personal details when you first take up office, and can - at the
insistence of the Human Resources department - be used to specify the
type of office decor that would best fulfil your social needs.
Once the Human Resources department is satisfied that you are happy and
had decorated the office for you, the Meta-Level menu is made available.
This presents three options:
Go To Department
ENTER OFFICE is self-explanatory.
GO TO DEPARTMENT allows you to select a department to visit and alerts
the persormel in that department to vacate the room in which the
departmental computer is located (thereby fulfiling the security criterion
that lays down that you should never see or be seen by your operatives).
NEXT DAY informs the corporation computer system that you are about to
retire for the evening, and sets in motion its automatic file-handling
routines so that new information can be collated and old information
archived during your personal 'downtime'.
Office level -From the The Menu Found At Tbe Terminal on the DGs desk.
The menu that presents itself on the terminal on your desk will always
display the following items:
The functions of the first three menu options, like the additional menus
that will appear as events unfold (SUSPECTS, LOCATIONS AND GROUPS) will
by now be clear to you. And as you might expect, LEAVE DESK allows you
to take control of the computer system from the menu that the keypad
controls when you are located in the corridor outside your office door.
Departmental Level - At A Terminal Within An Operational Department
As you will discover, the menus that are available on the Departmental
Computer terminals differ according to the function of the department that
you have chosen to visit.
Operating from your desk (which is where you should spend the majority of
your time) you can issue and countermand orders to your heart's content
However, while you can gain a sound overall view of your current corporate
activities, tracking operations and viewing the way in which you have
allocated corporate resources, it is sometimes easy to lose track of the
picture that reveals how an individual department is currently deploying its
From time to time you may find it convenient to visit a department to gain a
different perspective on the approach you are taking to the current set of
problems. Once inside a department, you can view the assignments that
are currently in progress, alter the way you have deployed that
department's resources - and in the case of some departments
(Interrogation in particular) alter the vigour with which the department
pursues your aims.
TAKING YOUR HOLIDAY ENTITLMENT
Given the nature of the corporation, the activities in which you have been
employed and the time-sensitive nature of the operations on which you will
be engaged, it will come as a major surprise that you are, in fact, entitled to
take periodic leave.
The Human Resources department insisted that a facility for taking leave
be built into your job description. At any time, pressing the 'S key on your
keypad willuspend operations, causing the computer system to store all
the current operational parameters. When you return from leave, enter 'R'
at the keypad and you will restore all the files and operational
parameters as if you had never left the office.
Follow the on-screen prompts given by the system.
****** TOP SECRET ********
LISTING OF KEY BACKERS
Design and 'Execution`- David Eastman, Shahid Ahmad
Sound and Music - Shahid Ahmad
Computer Artwork and Graphics - Carl Cropley
Executive 'Producer' - Andrew Wright
Testers of Play - Alex Martin, Paul Coppins, 'Sweaty` Rayner
Documentation - author and design - Graeme Kidd
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, WATCHERS LTD
DATE: AS POSTMARKED
Welcome to the job Sir - or Madam, if that is indeed the
case. I look forward to working with you - and the lads are
all keyed up and ready to go. It has been some while since
they have been out on the road, keeping an eye out for the
Corporations interests. Indeed they could be said to be a
little restless these days.
But I digress. On with the services that the department
colloquially known as 'surveillance' can offer you.
We can offer you the very best in covert information
gathering services, subject only to budgetary constraints,
which limit the number of units available.
Each team is provided with a thoroughly anonymous van,
weighted down to the bumpstops with the latest in high-
tech gear. We've got the lot. From binoculars to cameras
with low-light, image-intensifying telephoto lenses, from
directional microphones linked to DAT recorders via digital
signal intensifiers, to satellite communication intercepts.
And we're no slouches when it comes to a bit of rewiring
work with the public - or private - telephone network.
Wherever there's a telephone, we can listen in for you. And
if there's a bit of written communication via the post going
on, we'll be the first to see it - and bring photocopies home
We're specialists in identifying people, as well.
Computerised links (via untappable lines of
communication) are maintained by all field units with the
Information Collators. Soon as we see a new face, we've
got the ID for you.
Just give us an address or a location, and we'll stay there
until you tell us to come back. We'll report back overnight
with everything we've spotted, intercepted, overheard or
identified. And quick response is our byword - give us an
order when you're browsing through a suspect's file or
checking out a location and if there's a spare unit, we'll be
straight there. It's a rare thing if we're not in place the day
after you tell us to get watching!
That's about it really; looking forward to being busy...
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, FOLLOWERS LTD
DATE: NOT DEEMED RELEVANT
A Comprehensive 24-hour Service
I understand that you will have been given a run-down
on the services offered by our sister company in the
Corporation- Watchers Ltd.
In essence, the service we can provide is
complementary - although we can only deploy a team
on the case of a suspect. There's little to be gained in
having two fellows sat at a location in an unmarked
family saloon all day!
Providing the cash has been made available to us, we
can usually spare you a couple of Grade A operatives
with their own vehicle. And once they are on
someone's tail they rarely lose the quarry.
Format And Structure Of Reports
We pride ourselves in turning in detailed reports every
24 hours - give us the order and we'll usually get going
the following day. A report will arrive on your desk
shortly after midnight, and it will list the movements of
the suspect, together with outline details of any new
locations that he or she visits.
A Deployment Recommendation
May I suggest that there will be instances when you
will find it useful to have one of our teams working on
the same case as a team from Wathcers Ltd? In the
past, the synergy between our respective talents has
led to a truly complete picture being built up.
Followers Ltd - Generators Of Leads
While the resources of our teams are limited to merely
noting times, dates and places for the files, the service
we provide often opens up new avenues of enquiry
that can be explored or tackled by other specialist
departments within the Corporation.
May I take this opportunity to wish you well with your
endeavours, and remind you that our internal identifier
"Where they go, we follow' is our company motto, and
so far we have never failed to live up to it.
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, INFILTER LTD
DATE: EARLY 1990s
Could I please being with a word of warning ?
Our employees are not indestructible - while
they are highly trained field operatives,
you should bear in mind the nature of the
group you are asking them to join.
The more powerful, the more secretive the
group you ask our employees to penetrate, the
more casualties will be entered into out accident
book (a new system recently introduced by the
Human Resources department). Form-filling aside,
its never pleasant having to tell wives or
husbands that their spouse wont be coming
True, the company life assurance and pension
provision has never been so attractive since
the HR Dept came and explained the benefits
of SERPS and PEPs, but dead people don't
carry much clout inside most external
With that caveat, if you can assign a high
enough number of our employees to a group
you'd like to tame, we can usually manage to
take control and remove the wind from the old
sails if you get my drift.
Generally, we need to be tipped off to a
known active member - just browse the
group files on the Corporation computer.
Large groups are easy to get into, but we
need to deploy a lot of employees to be
Still, that Militant caper with the Labour
Party worked really well, didn't it?
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, QUESTIONTIME LTD
DATE: SEE RELEVANT BRITISH STANDARD.
Towards a Three-Tier British Standard
For Information Retrieval
Once a subject has been brought to a secure holding unit,
it is often possible to derive a considerable quantity of
valuable information - even if the subject is not initially
predisposed to the provision of information.
The subject, already disorientated by abduction and
removal to a strange and deliberately intimidating
environment, is dealt with using tactics employed by law
enforcement agencies . Lack of sleep, relentless
questioning, bright lights and hunger together with the
denial of basic facilities such as privacy, clothing, warmth
and recreation can all combine to reduce the propensity to
deny membership of groups, to hide details of affiliates and
to conceal activities/plans of groups with which the subject
A more physical approach, involving the direct application
of pain can pay dividends if the subject is naturally resistant
to Level One inducements, or if the subject has been
trained to resist the more obvious techniques of information
retrieval. Generally applied techniques involve hand-held
implements, often made of rubber, wood or thin strips of
rope or other similarly pliable fibres. Technicians are
encouraged to develop their own styles of Level Two
inducements. Can pay dividends if time is short, ruling out
a Level One stratagy.
The highest level of the inducers craft. A knowledge of
anatomy, chemistry, electrical engineering and basic
dentistry are required of the operative. Either impressively
effective, or totally ineffective due to premature expiry of
Abduction rarely practical for VlPs or prominent people -
considerable planning required. Operational experience
indicates two things. 1 ) very prominent people cannot be
abducted; 2) subjects always have to be terminated.
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, NEWSMEAR LTD
DATE: As Tomorrows Newpaper.
Forming opinions by forming the opinions of the
opinion formers is a sure-fire success when applied
with panache. Put another way, Dr Goebbels had it
bang on. A straight smear often does the trick - and if it
won't - just arrange a little something, make sure the
right journo an photographer are on hand for the
premier performance and you can sometimes pick up a
tip-off fee to set against the expenses of the operation.
If you can get the media on your side, you can place
just about anyone firmly off-side.
Give us a group to work on, and a bit of violence or
financial corruption can usually be found in the
Give us an individual, and we'll find an interesting
slant to his or her sex life that the Sunday papers will
love to run with. There's nothing your customer base
detests more than a pervert or an organisation that
cooks its books.
But no matter how much money is in the slush fund
kitty, there are some things that even the best
psychological dirty trickster can't achieve. (And we can
offer some of the dirtiest tricksters in the world.)
No news editor wants to hear that the Mafia is
financially corrupt. No news editor want to run with a
story about a complete non-entity - and if he does,
youll gain little by it.
And make sure you know who you're smearing. A little
bit of disinformation can go a long way. And it can go
the wrong way, if it's directed at someone - or some
organisation - that is broadly supportive of the aims of
the Corporation's bankers.
But set us a task and within a day or two you'll be
reading at least one interesting press cutting in your
reports files, DG.
PHEW! We've had some scorchers in our time.
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B7
ORIGINATOR: MD, FINDCLUE LTD
DATE: Will be noted
THE CONTEXT IN WHICH FIND CLUE OPERATES
Please refer to the following extract from the unedited draft of the DG's
Corporate Computer Operators Manual CC/OPMAN/91/Hum ResDep:
Certain objects may be associated with characters ie,
documents, firearms etc. These may, when seized stop an
operation, or be used for 'propaganda'reasons. The things
found in an individual's home may well tell you something
about the person. Characters are able to transfer objects
between themselves, such as notes, bombs, drugs or
Findclue takes a departmental pride in finding that which is not meant to
be found. Our teams of highly-skilled operatives can search ahnost anyone's
abode - with the exception of VIPs whose premises are nearly always too
well guarded by members of the so called `Special Branch`. The harder the
target, the more planning time we`ll take, but the results are nearly always
good if it's a home we're looking through.
And if you want to see what might be hidden in a location, we're quite
capable of taking on a complete building or part of the great outdoors.
Just remember, the bigger a location, the more hiding places there are.
And the more difficult it is to work out whats worth finding and what's not.
In the quest for information, may we suggest you use our 'discreet' facility?
Well be in and out in a jiffy, and we can guarantee that no-one (except you
and us) wlll know we've been. The discreet service is quick and reasonably
efficient - but well only find things that have been hidden in a fairly
amateur way. We don't want to go setting off traps or alarm systems and
letting everyone know weve been at work. It goes without saying that we
leave everything exactly as it was when we found it; we just take notes
If you really want a place taking to the cleaners, however, why not try the
extra-efficient 'ransack` service. Guaranteed to find anything worth
finding, no matter how well it was hidden, ransack also means well
bring you any useful - in the sense of interesting or incriminating -
objects. The downside is that the place will look like it has been
burgled. Which is about the best way we have thought of to
Our so-called `Search' service is a mere menu-item away,DG. And once the
job has been done, the team will be back at base waiting for your next
We look forward to working with you.
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, REMOVAL INTERNATIONAL LTD
DATE: Not Relevant
Subtlety is the essence of a good removal. That
and planning. Providing you supply us with enough
time, we should be able to arrange a tidy exit for
almost any client - although the more powerful or
important the client, the more care needs to be
taken to ensure that there are no unfortunate
mishaps. Operational experience has proved that a
rushed job often fails to satisfy.
In general terms, however, we can apply completely
unattributable techniques to the problem in hand.
From a straightforward car accident, to the
slightly more bizarre life failure, from food
poisoning to murderous, drug-crazed psychopaths
who take the rap. All in a day's planning for your
Removals subsidiary, DG. Just give us the time we
need and the work can be carried out without a
whisper of suspicious circumstances.
Don't forget, however, that the more prominent the
client, the greater the risk of attracting
unwelcome media attention.
We look forward to solving your little problems on
a permanent basis DG. We're here to serve. We're
the subtle alternative to those blatantly obvious
fellows over the HA Department.
Finesse. Technique. Subtlety. The art of a good
CIRCULATION PRIORITY B47
ORIGINATOR: MD, RAPID SANITATION LTD
DATE: Just name the time and place.
While I hear good things about the services offered by our
sister company, Removal International, I'd just like to make
sure that you have a clear picture of the alternative service
you can call upon with us here in Rapid Sanitation - or
Heavy Assault as the lads prefer to be called.
Every last one of them is Hereford-trained, and each
member of an HA team is hand-picked to fit in with the
combat experiences of the other members of the team. In
fact, to extend a sporting analogy, we have wingers,
forwards, defensive backs and the jolly old goalie on every
If a problem is really getting out of hand, just tip us off to
the location, give us a date and time that you think will
have the maximum hit factor, and we'll be right in there.
Of course, as with a subtle, personal removal, if you ask us
to hit on the home of a personage who is prominent within
society, you could expect the proverbial to hit the old fan.
Don't worry. My boys will make such a clean, tidy and total
job of any mission you send them on, there'll be little more
than a few shards of splintered masonry left for the
investigators to pick through. Where our boys go, no-one
We're particularly useful for taking out key operational
locations. Your predecessor managed to stop a heroin
smuggling operation by sending us in to sanitise the main
opium-processing laboratory. Took the Tong four years to
get back up and running again after that little party.
And if there's a group of pinko troublemakers holding a
meeting, there's nothing the boys like better than popping
along and introducing them all to their maker with a
Kalishnikov package holiday.
Don't fuss around with multiple removals if a group or
organisation is bothering you. Just off the lot in one go.
That's what old Binky used to say, and look where he is
Typed by RAZOR BLADE